September brought challenges, deep insights, and transitions for those committed to their process. Breakdowns led to breakthroughs when approached with acceptance and a willingness to remain open. Some breakdowns seemed simply mechanical and a test of adaptability and willingness to surrender. I had to repair my new dryer for the third time in 2 months, and was back at the laundry-mat with bags of clothes. Despite the inconvenience and costliness of these events, I experienced myself able to deal with these frustrations easily. I had encounters with people while there, that let me know my trips were more than about clean clothes. When things don’t go as planned, it is important we trust the way we are re-routed. If I have learned anything this month, it is that we are meant to let go of things easier. Our attachments and expectations in people and circumstances, are often barriers and limitations to what is beneficently possible. When we can trust our process, allowing for starts and stops to be necessary aspects, we can come into our highest alignment more harmoniously.
Another challenging breakdown for me, involved this website. For the last 3 weeks I have been unable to enter as an author or visitor from any of my home devices. I asked for help, but intuitively knew the block truly existed inside me. I was also denied the ability to download my last video to the land on my YouTube channel after hours spent attempting it the way I had accomplished it previously. It was time again to surrender to the forces at play, and to explore what was inside me blocking my channels of expression.
What came up for acknowledgment and emotional processing, was early wounding and suppressed energies and beliefs related to being unloved and devalued. These energies were definitely older that this lifetime, and at the core of many relationship misunderstandings and traumas. This started in an argument I had with my husband. It was a resurgence of an old pattern between us, and as it occurred I was able to see that he was locked into a loop of seeing it a certain way, based on his sense of abandonment and lack of love. There was real pain there and I could not disrupt it with explaining my position. I too experienced a loop that I held. I observed myself, experiencing so much pain from not being understood, not feeling loved, and not feeling that my words mattered. There was an aching for connection paired with a belief I could never have what I wanted based on years of my perceptions and experiences in relationships. I was able to see how my sensitivity and defensive posture literally pushed people away, and was interpreted as coldness and meanness.
In the peak of awareness and intensity, I removed myself and went to make a formal surrender. I sat in a room crying out, and felt the depths of sorrow and frustration pour through me. I closed my eyes, and that’s when I saw and felt a line of ancestors behind me. With the my grandmother’s hand on my shoulder I wailed. She too had a woman behind her holding her, and this pattern went on as far as my mind’s eye could see. With their heads down, they witnessed in solemnity, offering me support. I could feel their recognition and gratitude, and I was inundated with their scenarios and troubles holding this line. It was then I realized I was here to break it. After allowing it to run its course, I thanked them and spoke my intentions to shift the patterns for our lineage in all directions. Once calm I went back to my husband, and held space for him to vent. Once he felt heard, I placed my hand lovingly on his head and allowed touch and surrender to do its magic. We both fell silent, and fell asleep holding each other. Before I drifted, I called in the energy clearings and intentions for the next phase of my experience.
When we woke, we both had more clarity. We were able to see our loops and apologized for our parts. I explained to him my time with the ancestors and saw the light dawn in him. As hard as it was, we put away our hurts and chose to surrender to love. We moved through this with a mastery we were unable to achieve prior. I was actually so proud of us, and knew we sent a ripple freeing many in congested lines of suffering and sorrow. We shifted a well trodden path of human disfunction, and our children will relate with greater ease and understanding. About an hour after I woke, my body felt this shift physicalized with a new lightness and peace that spread throughout. I dissolved the lower frequency pattern and energy into a higher frequency set point, and embodied more of my light. What we are actually experiencing is the result of energy mechanics, shifts, and management. While in a denser physical reality, we can’t perceive all the processes at play. So much happens at a speed and level that our minds and eyes can’t perceive or comprehend. Again, we do much better when we learn to let go. Let go of needing to know, control, or figure things out. We are part of an intelligent network of operation that supports and responds to what we need and are aligned to do at any given moment. Trust in the power to transform and shift any state! Energy is always in motion, and change is guaranteed.
In addition to this generational clearing, I was then led to surrender relationships that were not in alignment with who I am now. Surrendering does not mean there is no love for the person/s in question, it means that despite the love I feel, I have to choose and honor myself by surrounding myself with those capable of reciprocating love in return. When people grow in different directions, they are not meant to keep each other from their chosen paths. We are meant to connect to the things in alignment with us, and to disconnect with them when they are no longer a fit. Sometimes people can’t see or relate to each other because of distortions from their own wounding. We can let go with love and forgiveness, without guilt or shame. Everyone is responsible for their own path. Leaving these situations helped me to clear energy I held for these people that wasn’t mine. It helped me to release judgments and projections about myself that are not true. It helped me to feel the suppressed pain of loss, abandonment, sorrow, and betrayal from past encounters. It helped me to acknowledge the anger and unexpressed words left hanging in my throat and head, without hurtfully unloading them on another. I held a space for myself to heal, and decided the energies I wanted to create and relate from in the future. As I processed these burdens to allow them to integrate, there were tokens of love every step of the way. I had hearts at my feet, in my litter boxes, in a tiny leaf that fell from a book, in my dog’s rear end, and on and on…🤣
Love was there holding me, encouraging me, and reminding me of its presence in ALL circumstances. As I followed my guidance and committed to clearing and shifting my energy through the hardest times, I was met with a new opportunity for growth. Old doors of experience, identity, and limitation closed, and new perceptions and an inner expansiveness arrived. The space you make inside yourself and your life from clearing out what no longer serves you, is what allows you to take on a new higher ground of operation. We are releasing the denser aspects accrued from our past and inherited from previous generations, and embodying more of our soul’s light. The light doesn’t need to attach or hold onto the past. The light knows the power is in the present. As I maintained my effort and met my challenges as LOVE, I was rewarded with the match in frequency. This is the nature of the energy mechanics earlier referenced. We receive according to the energy that we embody or give. It is why changing yourself, changes what you attract, changes your life. It doesn’t have to be chased down in the external reality. Once I shifted the energies and beliefs in the way, I received a personal call from the IT manager on my site and the matter was resolved within minutes. I had been in communications for weeks online, with many unsuccessful attempts and efforts. It was effortlessly handled once the energy INSIDE me was transformed.
This transformation is ongoing. We are continuously called to remember our true nature, to believe in ourselves, and to actualize what we know as our higher path. This requires trust in the unknown at times, and confronting our fear. Our fear takes many shapes and forms inside and out. Sometimes they are the warning thoughts that haunt us, sometimes they are the nightmares from previous traumatic events, and sometimes they are the criticisms and judgments spoken to us through people in the outer reality. When you begin to realize that everything is a reflection of some aspect of you, you can approach and perceive encounters less offensively, to observe and discern what is ready to be addressed inside. This is the way to empower yourself in a mirror reality, to becoming more effective in what you set out to experience or accomplish. Everything has a unique sense of timing. Trust you will engage with things as you are ready. We are meant to have periods of rest and celebration too.
September has encouraged me to challenge the ways I diminish and silence my needs and accomplishments. There are deeper core beliefs and patterns I am still unraveling. I am learning to talk about myself, and put myself out there more. Every part of the publishing and marketing process has forced me to confront and transform blocks inside me. Each step gets easier, if I stay with the task at hand and allow myself to enjoy the moment offered. Each step gets me further up the hill. I just have to remember to take breaks and turn around to take stock of where I am in regards to where I started. Our work and passions are meant to be pleasurable. This was the main message communicated to me during my equinox celebration at Fontainebleau State Park. Life is a celebration of creation! As I made offerings to the various life forms there, I was reminded of our kinship and the need to unite in joyful endeavors.
September also brought showers that looked like flowers, and flooding that ensures water will uproot the earth’s suppressed densities. As above so below. The Earth is in her transformative process too.
We are all in the process of discarding our old shells, and learning to function with a new sensitivity and vulnerability that encourages healthy boundaries over heart walls and sharp edges. We are stepping into a new frequency terrain, where who we are inside, and who we choose to BE, carries far more weight than who we were sired from and what we stand to gain financially as a result. Knowing and honoring your true self, and acting in alignment with this truth in spite of the many forms of fear surfacing, is your best foot forward coming into October. When your mind is filled with doubt, let your heart lead the way.
Believe in your goodness, inspire it in others, and let LOVE handle the rest. Honor the times your body and heart need restoration. LOVE will not leave you behind. You are LOVE!
I would love to hear about your September! I am still working out a few kinks in the technology, but at least now the energy is letting me try. I invite you to join the conversation on my blog, and to check out my story in True Love Not Like in the Movies. I go deeper into my times in the mirror there. Happy Fall! 🐛🦋🦃🍁🌾